IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE SUCCESSFUL DON’T DO THIS!

name-fail1

So I’m on twitter doing what I do, networking and just getting my tweet on when I notice that an ultra popular, super wealthy and wildly successful entertainment couple has delivered their child.

 

At first I didn’t care.  I figure people have babies everyday who cares.  Their child has no bearing on my life so I don’t really care.  But then I noticed something.  I noticed the name of the child in a few of the tweets.   At first  I’m thinking. “That has to be a joke” and “That’s not the real name”   But the twitter sphere was being real consistent and is known for rooting out bull crap really fast.  At this moment I am convinced that this ultra popular, super wealthy and wildly successful entertainment couple has named their child poorly.

 

The Turning Point    

 

My indifference turned into disgust.  I can’t keep shaking the feeling that they have done a huge injustice to their audience and fans.  Despite being your own person, you two are role models to millions of people.  These two people have so much influence on our youth that I wanted them to live up to that roll.  They failed me, failed you and failed their fans.

 

The celebrity couple I am referring to is Jay-z aka Sean Carter and Beyonce Knowles.   Their collective talent, success and influence are so significant I can’t even quantify it.

 

So, knowing you have tremendous influence you name your daughter

 

“Blue Ivy Carter”

 

That needs to repeated 3x in a row.   Blue Ivy Carter, Blue Ivy Carter, Blue Ivy Carter.   Maybe if I say it 3x it will have an opposite beetlejuice effect.

 

Instead of showing up when I say it. Maybe it will disappear and a better name will appear.

 

Really?

 

I guess it doesn’t matter when you’re an ultra rich celebrity what you name your child.  But come on guys!  I hope this is a fucking joke.  Please tell me twitter got it wrong this time and this is a hoax.   I really wish you guys chose a normal name.

 

Now every freaking Beyonce and Jay-Z stan (fan that is crazy) will name his or her child after a color or a plant.  The reason why I say stan is because of Eminem’s amazing song “stan” where he had a fan so crazy that he thought his life was Eminem’s life.  It’s a really good song and very true.

 

Look what Drake’s stan did to herself all for the love of the Canadian entertainer.

 

 

Yes that’s a real fucking tattoo.  Can you believe that shit?

 

Now let’s measure Drake’s influence over people compared to Beyonce and Jay-z… with my quick head math, I estimate Jay-yonce’s (Beyonce + Jay-z name combo) influence to be about 10000000000 x more effective.

 

So, what do I expect to come from this?

 

Tons of crazy people will name their newborns after a color; have a middle name of a weird plant and a generic last name.   Here are a few combinations of color plus plant name combinations:

 

Malachite                         Sneezewort-Yarrow          Smith

 

Camboge                          Monkey-Puzzle-Tree         Johnson

 

Fallow                              Devil’s-Walkingstick          Williams

 

Falu-red                          Turkey-Corn                        Jones

 

Arsenic                            Kangaro-Paws                    Brown

 

Feldgrau                         Butter-and-Eggs                 Davis

 

United-Nations-Blue   Hens-and-Chicks               Miller

 

Xanadu                           Lambsquarters                   Wilson

 

Caput-Mortuum           Cheeseweed-Mallow          Moore

 

Last but not least my favorite color and plant name combo.

 

I can’t wait till someone has a baby and names it:

 

Razzmatazz                    Hooded-Skullcap            Jenkins

 

Blue Ivy Carter will be born a millionaire. She will never have to work if she doesn’t want to and if she does work her name won’t matter because of her connections.  I would say she is limited in her line of work.  She definitely cannot join any traditional lines of employment (engineer, lawyer, doctor or politician) unless she changes that name.  She will most likely work in the entertainment industry of some sort.  She will probably inherit Jay-z music empire.

 

My Fears!

 

I really fear that “normal” people as in people who will ultimately have to work for someone else to earn a living that will think they can name their child anything and have a fair shake.  The ultra rich can get away with naming their kids after anything they want and that’s because their kids don’t have to work for someone else to survive.

 

There is a lot of meaning in a name.  I love the piece done by freakonomics concerning names.

 

Your name can keep you from getting a job!

 

Your name can determine your success!

 

There have been countless studies done on names. I can assure you none of the names are combinations of colors and plants. If you can find one weird or odd name on the list please let me know!

 

A study that I find particularly not surprising was the data mining conducted by LinkedIN on the names of the CEOs. LinkedIn is probably a perfect place to conduct this study. Many professions flock to LinkedIN willingly so they have millions of names to analyze. Here is a link to LinkedIN’s Top CEO Names across the globe.

 

I understand your desire to be creative plays a huge part in the baby naming process. But you have to realize your child has to live with it not you. So I beg of you. Please do not follow the path of Jay-z and Beyonce or any celebrity whose child will be sheltered from the world.

 

Readers Thoughts?

 

Do you think Jay-z and Beyonce choose a poor name for their child?

 

What do you consider a successful first name for a child?

 

What is your opinion of the videos posted above?

 

If you hear a unique first name where you more likely or less likely to associate with them?

 

What is your opinion of your own first name? Do you feel it gives you an advantage or disadvantage in life?

 

 

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