A Letter To My Unborn Child

Wow…You soon will become a reality, and I, for once in my life, have no words to say. Can you believe it, I have no words?

Well it’s true, I cannot put into words how it will feel to be an actual father, and your mother constantly asks me:

“How do you feel, are you excited”

Avoiding my emotions, I usually mumble something like, “I’m cool,” and quickly change the subject.

I’ve had some time to think about her question over the last few weeks. My answer is I’m thrilled, antsy, and excited all rolled into one.

This is a different realm for me, I typically cannot get excited for something unless it’s present, but you’re different. Maybe because I like challenges, and you’re my ultimate challenge. Maybe it’s that I’ve finally became a man and can accept the task of being a father.

Let me repeat that…

I’ve finally become a man and can accept the task of being a father.

I can definitely say a lot of men won’t admit to that. I wasn’t man enough for you years ago, so we waited. By man enough, I mean, I wasn’t emotionally or financially ready.

Our friends would ask us all the time, “when are you having kids?” We’d tell them, “Someday,” but deep down inside I knew I had a lot of growing to do mentally, before I could commit to growing and nurturing another.

How could I help you grow if I wasn’t done growing myself?

The capability to have children does not equal the capability to raise children or to be a good parent.

You won’t know this, and you probably won’t ask, but I grew up without a father. I’ve had father figures in my life via my uncles, but I never had a father to teach me anything.

I think part of my reluctance in previous years to have you was due to the absence of my father. Being an only child, without a father, living in the “hood” can have quite an effect on you.


You will never know this, and I thank your mother for helping me grow out of that phase in my life, but I was cold, rigid, and uncompromising. I had about as much empathy and compassion as a rock.


I only focused on the end result regardless of how many bodies I left along the way. I’m not even sure how I kept the little friends that I have now.

All of this is a horrible mix for a father. I was a man in age and a boy in mind.

How could I become a father without having a father?

I wasn’t ready for you…

But over the years, I’ve grown emotionally. I believe it was the challenge of marriage and having such a patient partner that finally allowed me to turn a corner in my life. I’ve grown in patience, understanding, negotiation and so many other things.

I’ve finally put others before myself. I’ve become a team player instead of an All-Star with a chip on his shoulder. I trust people, and if they get it wrong, I trust them to get it right.

I went from being a dependent, to independent, to interdependent, to being ready to be a father

I’m ready for you.

I’m ready to listen to you when you had a bad day.
I’m ready to help you with your homework.
I’m ready to teach you how to ride a bike.
I’m ready to teach you how to think before you act.
I’m ready to teach you through my actions the meaning of hard work and respect.
I’m ready to show you how to avoid my mistakes.
I’m ready to be a father.

I’m ready….

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Comments

  1. I've been avoiding reading this for a while. Your wifey has shared it and you have too, and I just knew it was going to be hard for me given our circumstances. But I'm glad I read it this morning. What a precious gift for your baby girl, when she's old enough to read and appreciate. What a precious gift to your wife! You guys are going to be amazing parents and I am thrilled for you both. Can't wait to meet the little gal.

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thanks for reading Erica. I was surprised how easily the words flowed. Hopefully, when she gets older she will enjoy it. I figure this would be a tough read for some people. I\’m sorry for your loss…

  2. Great article from the heart! Congrats and best wishes to you and your family!
    My recent post Can You Invite Just “One Person” To A Wedding?

  3. Just saw you b/c Mrs. MM follows you on twitter. I loved the post. I came here looking for a discussion of, as parents, How much do we do _for_ the child vs. how much do we make the child do himself, re: earning money. That's something we'll have to figure out as parents (mine's 9 months), and I'd like to read some various views.

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      I'm glad you liked the post. I'm a fan of the learn to ride a bike approach as it pertains to kids and money. Give them training wheels, then take them off.. they will fall, but they will learn. On Wed, Aug 15, 2012 at 6:51 PM, YFS <yourfinancessimplified@gmail.com> wrote: approve

  4. Get ready for the late night/early morning trips to the store for pickles and peanut butter lol

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Fortunately she isn't having any weird food cravings :-)On Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 11:23 AM, YFS <yourfinancessimplified@gmail.com> wrote: approve

  5. CONGRAAAAAATS :-) :-) :-) :-)

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thank youOn Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 11:21 AM, YFS <yourfinancessimplified@gmail.com> wrote: approve

  6. Congratulations. I am so happy for you. I love this article too. Gosh you are talented and I can only hope to express myself the same way when I start a family.

  7. Congrats on the new member of the family! You've inspired me to do the same.
    My recent post Kicked Out! – The Facebook Game that Teaches Financial Skills

  8. Camille says:

    Ok, I cant get enough of this letter…. I'm showing everyone… words cant express, I wish my dad wrote me a letter! tears amazing

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thank you Camille. If I'm still blogging, I'll try to capture his or her reaction and post the reply. On Fri, Jul 27, 2012 at 8:43 AM, YFS <yourfinancessimplified@gmail.com> wrote: approve

  9. Congrats! It is well written and I am happy to see someone else think about their maturity before jumping into a big commitment! Exciting!

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thanks Corey, I appreciate the compliment.On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 2:31 PM, YFS <yourfinancessimplified@gmail.com> wrote: approve

  10. Awesome article Dom. I wish I had written something like this prior to lil' SPF joining our world/reality/lives 10 short months ago. You have written all of the things I had been thinking about.

  11. Awesome article Dom. I wish I had written something like this prior to lil' SPF joining our world/reality/lives 10 short months ago. You have written all of the things I had been thinking about.
    I remember MJTM doing this a few years back and I really enjoyed his article as well.

    You sound like you are going to be a fantastic father, Dom. The joy the little one will bring to you and your family will be unmeasurable and quite simply the best part of your lives.

    Congrats
    My recent post Do Parents Have To Help?

  12. Genial! I mean, I really like the idea of this kind of letter, I just love your style! I think your child will be really happy about it when she will read it once… beautiful words, your baby is going to birth to the best place.
    My recent post How is a dental implant made?

  13. WOW! Congratulation!!!! A baby is always a real joy!!!

  14. Julie F says:

    I am so proud of the Browns. Dominique, I so understand where you are coming from. It is wonderful to know that you have grown and your beautiful wife, my hero, played a big part in doing so. It has been a pleasure watching you guys (from a distance as I too was a bit stand-offish) grow and blossom so lovely. You will make a great father because you know what it is to yearn for one. I am so proud of you and Congratulations on the extension of your family, a true powerhouse in the making. Stay Strong and Stay Blessed. :-) I can't wait to see what sorts of things I will have to write to my unborn child when that time arises :-) So elated for you both!

  15. Lauren C. says:

    In tears. Super awesome. Very proud of you cousin, Mr Father-To-Be. Cant wait to meet the little one.

  16. retirebyforty says:

    Congratulation! We waited until we were in our mid 30s to have a baby. I think it's good to be more mature so you can deal with the adversity. A baby is a lot of work and I think many young parents (I mean early 20s) aren't really ready.
    Having a baby will change your world. Congrat!
    My recent post Peer to Peer Lending Investment Midyear Update

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thanks for the well wishes Joe. I agree with you that early 20 somethings probably aren't ready for children.

  17. Such raw emotion! Thank you for sharing such a personal and intimate thing with us.

    My recent post Why Can’t Everyone Communicate Like Me?

  18. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!! If this letter is any indication, you are going to be an incredible father. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

    Second, that announcement is awesome! I love it!

    • URFinanceSimple says:

      Thanks Jana I hope to can live up to the standards of incredible. Lord knows I'm going to try.

  19. Awesome! Well written, heartfelt, and honest. Congratulations to you both!

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